That time I broke a bone on a vegetable…

I’ve cracked a rib.

How did it happen?

I would love to say I was scaling El Capitan, free style and slipped…

OR that when base jumping my parachute failed to open and I careened off of a glass skyscraper falling into the top of an ice cream truck…

OR as I was saving the orphans, nuns and pet rescue dogs, part of the burning building collapsed on me…

But no…

None of that happened.


I was putting away the groceries and trying to organize the frozen veggies into a stack in the freezer. I was holding two or three in the crook of my right arm while stacking them in the freezer using my left. I smashed them against the door frame of the freezer to break up the ice and make them stack a little easier. So now I was standing there with the last package of California Blend Veggies pinned between my right arm and my chest, while I was breaking the ice on another one with my left hand. I could see there was a perfect place for the last one, but the large ball of ice/veggies needed to be broken to fit. I squeezed my right arm against my chest trying to crunch it when suddenly POW! I physically recoiled, stepping away from the freezer. It felt like I had been shot! It took my breath away.

It took a second, but I realized what had happened. I cracked a rib.


Just below my right pec there is an area the size of a dime where when I take a deep breath it lights up. There is nothing a doctor can do for a broken rib, you just have to take it easy and let it heal. It just sucks for a while.

So no shit, there I was, no burning orphanage, no attacking Martians, and no skydiving accident…

I broke a bone on a vegetable.


Happy Thanksgiving.

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