you’re killing me, smalls

The Sandlot was a movie about a group of kids who play baseball in an empty lot in their neighborhood. One of the adjoining lots has an ominous fence and large piles of junk in its yard. There is a huge dog that lives there and all the kids fear it. Smalls is the name of the odd kid who is trying to be accepted by the others. He is the new kid and it seems that everything he does is ridiculed and put down by the others. At one point another kid asks if Smalls wants to eat a S’more. Smalls says he hasn’t had any to begin with and can’t understand how he would be able to have more… The other kid waits a beat and yells “You’re killing me, Smalls!” 

Later in the movie, the baseball game has to end after a ball is lost but Smalls remembers that his stepfather has a baseball on his desk. Smalls gets the ball and play continues. That ball is knocked over the fence into the yard with the huge dog. It is at this point Smalls reveals that the ball was signed by “Baby Ruth.” The kids flip out knowing who Babe Ruth is and how valuable the ball is. The rest of the movie is spent trying to retrieve the ball and ends with a happy sappy love/ love, feel good moment.

OK, for those who don’t know, I was married once. We were together for ten years, started businesses and horse farms together and her family was kinda older and kinda well off, bla bla bla. Her parents grew up in New York. Her father was a baseball fan. Big time. So I am in the basement helping them clean up after it flooded, right? And so we find this old steamer trunk and open it and inside I find the most pristine leather baseball still in its cardboard box. I open it and look at it… it’s signed by Babe Ruth and Lu Gehrig. After I change my shorts, I point it out and he says “Oh yeah, that old thing…” Of course I asked if I could have it. At first he said “sure, what do I care” but then I had to open my mouth and make a stink about it. He thinks about it and changes his mind to say he wants to ask if is son wants it. I say “sure.” I mean I can’t come between a man and his son, or his daughter for that matter. Once she finds out about the thing she wanted it too… to sell it. Well needless to say, this stinkin ball sets off an argument within the family over who wants it and who gets it and what it means and bla bla bla…

Yeah. We had been divorced for three years when he did that.

All I got to say is:

You’re killing me, Smalls.


10 Responses to “you’re killing me, smalls”


    WOW. Yeah, you’re killing me, Smalls. Wow.

    And *Lou. Sorry, I have to know my baseball because I’m dating a 28 year old trapped in a 10 year old body. I had to go to the post office about a year ago because he sold one of his for nearly 1K. But it was new. Seriously. haha maybe 8 year old, I’m not sure…

    Wow, I can NOT effin’ believe that. Please write a book.

    Happy to remind you of this 🙂 tehe

  2. The thing looked brand new. The cardboard box looked brand new. He had been at a Yankees game in 1933 and got Lou and Babe to sign it. Not bad, eh? Howard is a fascinating dude. He is the man credited with inventing sun block. Like sun lotion? The chemical engineering department at his University (RPI) is named after him. To meet him you would think he was just this dude and not a man who had such an impact on human kind. He should be about 88- 89 now… Tough old dude. His daughter is a smart, beautiful woman who I enjoyed being with. Glad it is over and wish her well, but I have no ill feelings.
    Book, eh? Hmmmm…. See if you keep hounding me about blogs, I might run out of stories…
    Nah! I am full of BS. I could write for days….

  3. Oh and as far as your bf being a 10yo trapped in a 28yo body, men don’t grow up, we just get more expensive toys.

  4. WOW. Even better story. He was there… makes sense.

    That’s very cool.

    My students are complaining that they have to do a three step synthesis to make PABA (p-aminobenzoic acid) – the main ingredient in sun block until recently. That would mean he did it in the 1940s?

    LOL to your second post… so true.

    He (jokingly) says he wants a prenup — for his baseball cards and my tractor. HAHA, not happening.

    So… what happened if she was so great?

    • Yep PABA. He worked on it at RPI and graduated in 1942. He explained a bit of it to me but in the 80’s (?) there was a scare about PABA being bad somehow and sun blocks all wanted to be “PABA free” so they changed one molecule and that made it not PABA. You might know more than I do about all that. He sold the patents to Dow and started another company called Noverome. They worked with essential oils and did quite a bit of work with Dow. Fantastic spray cleaner, Snuggle fabric softener… they made the scents for bunches of stuff. Interesting things that most people never even think about. Noverome eventually sold to a French company that I can’t recall the name of. Not long after she and I were no longer together.
      What happened? In a nut shell, we grew apart. In an age when more than half of all marriages fail within 36 months, I like to think of it as a very successful relationship. She was 7 years older than I was. I joked and said I was her boy toy. Of course I am 10 years past this side of it, and have grown quite a bit, but today I just see there is loads of ill feelings and bitter BS in the world, so there is no reason to keep slinging hash at it. I wouldn’t have married her if she wasn’t a brilliant, sexy woman. I just ain’t gonna go hang out with her anymore. The last thing we agreed on was to get divorced.

  5. If I write a book I think I will call it, “Buy this book, my rent’s due!”

  6. Most people – ie not me 🙂 I look at ingredients and am always interested in the chemicals. Go figure.

    This is what I found about what molecules are used:

    Yeah bitterness. Trying not to be atm.

    I’m gonna write a blog post tonight. Hopefully ;0

  7. Here’s Howie-babby. Nice dude.

    Divorce is not fun. Ultimatly I know my life has gotten better since. I haven’t seen or spoken with them in 10 years. There is no reason to hold baggage like that for that long. This blog is the most I’ve said about it in years. I don’t mind talking about it, it is not painful anymore. Like I said, we had some great years together, but in the end, we both chose not to work on it anymore. So now she is some other dudes problem. See? Better life for me. Maybe I will blog about how we met… it is a good one.


    Yeah please do 🙂

    I met Cman at a craft show (his aunt; my friend first) when I was 14. haha How’s that for fate? After an afternoon with him, he left and I knocked on his window to say goodbye (per request of my employers who were friends with the aunt). He came back supposedly for my number. He chickened out. Said I was too cute. LOL. So I had homecoming the next weekend (I was a freshman and he was a jr and my dad was … not happy) so I called up my employers – lied to them and said everyone of my friends had a date – so they suggested his younger (my age) cousin and I said no. So they called up the aunt, who called up the mom, who asked her son if I’d go to homecoming with him (30+ miles away).

    How’s that for being assertive?

  9. The chem stuff I remember about sunblock was escalol something or nuther… Again, I know nuthin bout it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: