Old man

So I sit here in the last 45 minutes of my 40th year on this planet, reflecting on what my life has been about and what I want to use the remainder of it to accomplish.

What is an appropriate gauge to use in reflect upon a life to measure its value? How do you know if you have lived your life to the very best that you could have? What questions are you to ask to find satisfaction? Is satisfaction actually attainable or is it just some pipe dream; the smoke and mirrors of society that so thinly keeps us apart from the savage within.

How has my life been worthwhile? Am I a good person? Why am I still here? What’s next?

While I am not religious, I do pray. I pray I am worthy of the life I have and my actions bring a higher value to others lives around me. Truthfully I have become somewhat selfish in my adult life and my thoughts are often centered around taking care of myself. This is a different world than the one I grew up in. Time passes and things change.

I wanted to say something profound to wrap up my first four decades on this planet, but all I can think of to say here in my last 10 minutes of being 40 is “What a long strange trip it’s been.”

I look to the coming years as a time to take charge and push myself beyond the comfort of my shady tree. Everything you want in life is just outside your comfort zone. Buddha says that “Life is suffering.” In order to be a better person there will be times where you have to wear that callous onto your hand as you learn to swing the axe. As my mentor and great friend Andrea Lawent says: “Change” and “comfortable” don’t belong in the same sentence.

Life is hard, but beautiful. Times are tough, but it builds character.

Thank you for getting me here, to the end of my 40th year. I look forward to the next 40 and beyond.

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3 Responses to “Old man”

  1. Seriously, I stumbled upon your blog in a VERY random way, but now every chance I get, I read it. I love blog posts like this. Yes, I need to think of success is right outside my comfort zone. So true, but so hard. … Happy birthday!

  2. Thank you CC! Some of my ramblings may seem a bit “out there” but sometimes taking myself to a different mindset is what I need. You are the best! Please feel free to relpy and send your friends…Maybe I will set up a fund… A telethon! That’s what I need! D list stars answering the phone at 1:00am and some guy on a unicycle, juggling flaming bowling pins…No? OK…I’ll stick to the inspirational stuff.

  3. HAHA. Yes, please stick to the inspirational stuff. LOL. You can check out my blog (as I included it). It is more of a ranting of how much of a love / hate relationship grad school is. Just log in and I’ll accept you, if you are so interested.

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